Life as I know it....

Why do I even try? I mean seriously. I try to be a good person....I try to help others out. I think that my roommate is just too self-centered to give a shit. She is sick. I tried to help. Tried to be nice...because it seemed like the nice thing to do. I guess not. She got all pissy. What the fuck ever. I don't give a shit anymore. I am tired of being treated like a servant. I cook. I drive her all over town. I have a job now and the only thing she cares about is that she won't have a ride home on the days she works. Boo fucking hoo. Your skinny...you can walk. And she is complaining about having to work 40 hour weeks over the summer....40 FUCKING hours???? That is nothing. I worked 60 hour weeks last year. I had two jobs. Two full time jobs. And she can't handle ONE temporary full time job. Ugh lazy people....
I have a wonderful man in my life. One I do believe I am falling for....pretty damn hard I might add. I know he is falling for me too....but he doesn't have to tell my Mom that!!!!! Now all I am going to hear for the next month is how I am ruining my life for some guy....and how I should have moved to Texas when she did. I would be safe there. I would find a nice Texan Cowboy to settle down with. Who gives a shit? I sure as hell don't. I was going to be just as miserable there as I am here. So whats the fucking point? I do believe I can say this truthfully...I love Maverick. James Henry Kauble....I am in love with him. So why am I so afraid to talk to my Mom about it. She says that we are like, "Best Friends" I don't think so but whatever. I should be able to tell her everything...especially now that I am an adult.
Ok...I think I got what I needed off my chest....at least for now. I don't know. Maybe I need to start smoking again. I was always calm when I smoked. -facedesk-
--Peace--

Useless...Yeah thats me

I seriously feel useless...all the time. I am still having trouble finding a job.....I don't have the money to go driving all over town to go looking for a job. If I could afford to move back to Phoenix, I would. I know there are jobs there. I would be more than happy to live there. To be closer to Maverick....feel more at home I guess. Sometimes I wish I hadn't quit Anchor Blue. I mean, it would have gotten harder over time but it was still a job. I regret going to Texas over Christmas. It is not like it did me any good. Mike was right. I should have stayed here and looked for a job...not run off to Texas to spend time with my family.
Food Visit on Saturday. I am actually not that excited about it. I mean...I get to see my best friend (definite plus) and spend Friday night and all day Saturday with her. Its the drive though! Get up early...to drive four hours....to spend four hours...to drive back four hours. I can not wait for him to be released. I love going to see him but this trip to Tucson just takes it out of me more than I imagined. I just wish that I could see him more often than every 2 weeks. With seeing him on the 26th and seeing him on Saturday....I won't get to see him again until the end of May. I am not at all looking forward to that....
I get to see David tomorrow. I am pretty excited about that. We have not seen each other since....well hey! Since before Mom right after Mom moved to Missouri. I wish he was coming home to better circumstances. Alex's service is on Saturday at the school. If I wasn't such a coward I would go. I can't handle these things as well as I used to. I don't handle death very well. Brenda and I have been thinking up a way to honor Alex. We hope it works. ("Once a Wildcat, Always a Wildcat" We Miss You Alex!)
Sitting around doing nothing tends to bring out the worst of depression in people.....
It sucks!

So new...yeah....Ok here goes

This is gonna be a short post....maybe....maybe not. I will do a bit of explaining here and there and that tends to get a little long.

::I had a good day today. I got to see Maverick. For anyone (if anyone even does) reading this, Maverick is my boyfriend. It was a good visit but sooooo fucking long. I almost fell asleep twice. I go back on Saturday. We are having a food visit. He gets to taste my cooking. I hope he likes it. I have not cooked for him yet. He says anything that isn't chicken he is ok with lol.
::I recently found out that a friend of mine, (A. Holbrook) passed away in the last 48 hours. Unless you know how, I am not going to tell you. It is a sad thing to hear someone so young passing away. I went to high school with this guy for 3 1/2 years. We weren't good friends but we knew each other. We had a lot of the same classes. I knew him though. It is crazy how things can change so easily with just the cock of a gun.


Ok like I said.....short post. Really short post. I am so effin tired. I will find more to talk about later.